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Is Sex Initially Awkward for People Who Have Arranged Marriages?

Author:   |  Published: December 1, 2014  |  2 Comments

Arranged marriages still occur within the South Asian community, whereby parents introduce their children to a prospective spouse. While some arranged couples have the liberty to get to know each other over a long period of time (essentially dating), others step into a marriage fairly quickly. For those that do step into marriage quickly, the topic and act of intimacy is one is one that would have to occur with a near stranger, which begs the question – how awkward is it?


We recently came across a post on Ask Reddit which allowed Redditors to share their experiences with regards to the following question: “Redditors, who had arranged marriage, was sex awkward initially? How did you break the ice?” 


Here are a few of the responses from the thread:


” My parents and aunt arranged a marriage for me and I traveled back to my country, met her once before the marriage. First night she was really shy and kept hiding under the blanket and pulling it away from me while giggling, nothing happened that night, then she got a call the next day from her mother and they kept talking for half an hour. It happened then later that night when we were in bed innocently watching TV, then she looked at me and said maybe the first complete sentence: “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do” in a nervous voice. So I laughed and played it funny, then started gently kissing, hugging, and joked a bit then two hours later we are doing it and now I’ve two kids from her and she turned 26 last month. Arranged isn’t as bad as it sounds, but back in my place it’s normal to have arranged marriages and even marriages without seeing the bride.”


“I met my husband three months before my wedding. We went on a few dates before the wedding. How was the wedding night? Pretty nice. Since we’d both come directly from the wedding, we needed to shower. He took a shower first, then I did. It was about 2 am before we finally got started. It wasn’t awkward at all. A bit painful, but not really awkward. First orgasm came a few days later on a train in France for our honeymoon. 20 years later, we’ve got a house full of children to prove that the sex has been both enjoyable and plentiful.”


28 year old guy here, arranged marriage when I was 21. I was born in India and raised in New Jersey. I never thought that I was going to go through this route growing up, I had girlfriends of many different races. It never occurred to me that when I did get older that I in fact was going to take this path. How did it occur? Well it was voluntary, and previous bad deceitful relationships I have had with my American girlfriends made me think that all girls were hoes here. Which was a terrible mentality but it is what eventually led me to “choose” my wife from the same town. Not it was not arranged in the sense of looking through books of pictures and picking out a prize. I actually knew my wife growing up while I vacationed back and forth in India and thought she was one of the most beautiful girls I have seen there. After my 21st birthday I told my mom that I want to marry that girl, and if she can talk to the parents. My mom of course was extremely proud that I was continuing with tradition both in culture and in religion. I guess they did some sort of ghetto in-village background search on her to see if her past is not shady. No one had anything bad to say about her and we eventually got married. Her parents told us about me and she agreed! Here we are now, I am a 28 year old dad of two young boys and I could not ask for a better wife. To be honest I do miss some things I can discuss with a wife that grew up here, like a bunch of pop culture, in depth movie analysis, video games. What she lacks in those interests she makes up in being an amazing mom, an excellent cook and someone who is loyal and very caring. If I could go back I would make the same decision, all my friends would ask me why I went that route when it was first happened. I though to myself, let me get married and It will keep me grounded enough to focus on everything else. Any other questions Ill be more then happy to answer guys!”


You can read more responses here.